As much as it is sometimes tough to write such posts (writer's block and all that jazz), I am at home and my Dad really enjoys reading what I have to say, so I figured I would give this another go.
We still laugh that I should be working with kids, selling my baking goods and making it as a weather girl somewhere. Instead, wanting to be just like my Dad I did law. 50k student loan later, and wondering what I am doing half the time I still deeply question it. However, law really has come in handy, because as Dad says, I have learnt the power of (please excuse my use of phrase here) 'bull shit' and I am even able to talk my way out of speeding fines when pulled over...
I arrived home from London last Thursday (New Zealand time) and went straight to the hospital to visit Dad. He didn't know I was coming. He laughed a lot and told me I was very sneaky! I don't think I have never felt such mixed feelings of happiness and sadness all at the same time.
Once we got him home, he has been adamant to do some 'billable' hours and read over files. No matter what life has thrown at him over the past 5 months, he has shown such resilience and been so positive, you would not even know what he has gone through. The poor guy has been comforting me; when it really should be the other way around.
It's times like this, when you don't know what is around the corner (he has baffled doctors), and although we will get more clarity later this week, his brave and wonderful attitude sets an example that we can all learn from, even when we are uncertain of what is approaching.
I have found myself stopping mid-sentence whilst talking to him, as I realise I am complaining about issues that are really minor and trivial. Don't sweat the small stuff, nor place so much energy on things which really aren't that important.
I have found myself seeking answers from above, making promises that 'if he gets through all this, I will make sure I am a better daughter, I will always try and make better choices'. It's funny how when you are left in the silence of the night by yourself, you are willing to negotiate and make promises to the universe in exchange for a better set of cards.
I've decided right now to stop making promises to the universe and start living accordingly to my Dad's own set of mantras. No time is better than the present to BE the BEST person you can be. Stop nagging, stop complaining about trivial things which don't matter; lean in, lend a hand and just be a first class version of yourself. Be honest.
It is one thing to read this, but another to be proactive and DO this. Respect your partner, be kind to your friends, but above all, be KIND to yourself. Try not to yell, endeavour not to be tough on people, but rather just on the problem and for goodness sake, be AUTHENTIC. Don't take people for granted; show gratitude and compassion.
Dad has kept his father's funeral service card since 1991 which has the following quote (Shakespeare no less) "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
To the modern ear it means that you are healthier and happier when you act according to your own personal convictions and beliefs rather than acting to please others. This is a nice sentiment, but much harder to do than to say. Life is filled with compromises, and we have to follow many rules and conventions that we may not agree with.
As issues become more and more crucial, we have to decide how much ground we are willing to give. In life and death situations, the persons are rare who are willing to put their lives at risk in support of a deeply held conviction.
I sit here in utter amazement, of how one person (whose body has been through the ringer) does not complain. Instead, he checks in with everyone else, asks them about their problems and just listens and nods with an empathetic smile.
Even those that have been not so kind to Dad in the past, but have the cheek to ask for his help, Dad helps them. I queried Dad over this, saying people are users and why is he helping them - it doesn't seem fair. All Dad does is look at me, and say 'Janey, even if they have wronged you, that's in the past. If they come do you in a time of need, why kick them when they are already down? What you must do is lean in, lend a hand and help them up'. I sit here baffled; he really is the definition of a good human.
There has been a collection of times in my life whereupon my ego has stopped me from being understanding and compassionate. Instead, I have been a stubborn mule and not been the bigger person, given I believed 'I was right'. Sometimes, (even when we think we are right and have been wronged) we need to forgive quickly and just let. it. go. Life is too short to harbour ill feeling, to talk negatively about others and to hurt those who matter most.
As humans, we all have good and bad points. Don't try to necessarily change people, accept them for who they are and look for the good in them. It is a good attitude to have. I am not saying that you have to put up with bad behaviour. I have experienced people pushing limits with me and thinking 'I can treat Jane like this, because she won't stand up for herself and she lets me push her'. Instead of making a song and dance about it, I let. it. go. Do as my Dad does, and no longer hang out with them.
My dearest and best friend will tell you, that I use to be a real people pleaser. Always wanting to be liked and trying to have loads of friends. The moment I finally listened to her, and became grateful for those few real friends I have, and focussed on them, life became less complicated and meaningful. Dad reckons he has been telling me that for years, and laughs how I finally seem to be listening. Being a good friend is a full time job and just like Dad, I am really happy with the ones close to me in my life - they would give me the shirt of their back in a heart beat.
It's now Wednesday morning here in New Zealand and it has been raining non-stop. I have been reading into it, wondering when the storm will clear and the sun will shine. As Dad has just said today, 'the sun will come out again Janey, storms pass and nothing lasts forever'.
I ask that for the few of you who read this, that you take even something very small from what I have written. Be authentic. Be true to yourself. Be kind. Be compassionate. Don't major in minor things nor whine about stuff which isn't really a big deal. Ask yourself this, 'is this really worth my energy right now; will I actually care about this when I am 70'?
We can always buy more things, but we can't buy more time. Take this opportunity to be a beautiful person.
When we have kids one day, I know Gray and myself will send off our little people with their spaceman / dinosaur / fairy lunch boxes to school and always say 'if you can do one thing today let it be this: work hard, play hard but above all, BE KIND'. x x x
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