A few weeks ago I was underground waiting for my tube. During these occasions, I have time to kill. Normally, I will be busy people watching, searching for mice on the tracks or staring into space. I would be an Advertising Agency’s worst nightmare, in that I don’t really notice a lot of the ads posted on the walls.
However, on this day, one particular poster captivated me and I gave it my complete attention. It was an ad for the Tate Modern hyping up old Damien Hirst’s exhibition in April. The backdrop is what caught me rather than the artist or location – a bathroom cabinet with shelves displaying 100’s of pills.
I thought about it all day, and on the way home, the old iPod died, so I started chiming into a girls conversation who was standing next to me. The conversation went as follows:
Girl 1:“Really? No way!! Did she really do that?”
Girl 2: “She’s completed F***ked, and even Sarah said she was on meds for goodness sake” [Pause]
Girl 1: “Are you serious? Like as in anti-depressants?”
Girl 2: “Yep”
Girl 1: “She has to be mental if she’s on those”.
I started thinking about that art poster more and more, together with the girls’ conversation. I started to think about how quick we are to judge people solely based on a whole raft of things. This poor girl, (who obviously was going through something) was deemed mental just because she was taking anti-ds. This irked me beyond belief as I have had my own bout with the black dog. My turn with it was sparked through an event four years back I had absolutely no control over. Because I needed a way to merely cope and get out of bed in the morning, this coupled with counselling helped me on the road to being Jane again.
I have never really thought I was ‘mental’ because I took these, nor did I think that I had severe issues, but I am sure that some of you reading this may be in fact shocked to learn this about me. I say this, because I keep this fact about myself well-hidden and unless pressed or unless you are in my inner circle, it is something never spoken about. Through telling people, this may lead them to place me in a ‘she must be crazy’ box; it’s the horrif little creature called prejudgement. As much as it saddens me, I can’t be one to talk as I am in fact guilty of exactly this – pre-judging people and sticking labels on them.
How many times have we placed labels on people solely due to where they work, who they know, what we have heard, or their circumstances? I think we have all done this at times. I’m ashamed to admit this, but before going to NYC for Easter, I merely assumed that the city would be filled with rudeness and I would enjoy the sites, but perhaps not so much the locals. How wrong was I? Even walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, NYC natives would stop ‘Hey, girls, I can take a picture of you both if you’d like’? They were interested in talking with us asking about NZ and so incredibly helpful with both tips and directions. I really had to eat my words and felt so incredibly foolish that I had in fact ‘labelled’ Americans solely based from what I had heard and seen on television, without coming to a conclusion by myself through experiencing and making a judgement on my own.
For the majority of my adulthood, I have been dead certain that I would only ever date kiwi boys. Why? Because, I gathered we are from the same place, therefore (in my head) they would ‘get’ me, my humour, understand the same values and it would just work (again, MASSIVE generalisation). Right now, this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s almost like going on a world-wide trip. You have certain countries you always imagine (before travelling there) that you think you would love to move to, but in fact, you may be surprised at some countries which you never thought you would even enjoy that you end up settling in. Same goes with my love statement – cultures you may least expect may be the ones that resonate so wonderfully with your heart x.
The profession chat further kills me. I use to resent so badly (including filling in the customs forms at the airport) having to write down my occupation. When one automatically says ‘lawyer’ all of a sudden you get the same generalisations and comments: ‘She must be rich, full of herself and have a big head’. They are the main three I have encountered. I remember telling my Mum about this. She always propped me up and said ‘Janey, next time someone asks you, you tell them, ‘I help people, that’s what I do.’ Essentially you can read this several ways, but it is in fact what I do. I currently work in the public sector (note, wage freeze is on), and I work in an organisation who encourage people to get active in their communities through sport (there’s the helping element).
We cannot ever truly judge a person until we take a leaf out of Atticus’ book and walk a mile in their shoes. Prejudgement for me has become one of society’s evils. It is great to have standards and want to hang out with those of like minds, but pigeon holing irrelevant detail is where the danger lies.
Ten years ago, at first sight, I would never in a million years thought I would end up with the best friend I have today. I am endeavouring not to judge solely on first impressions. We are so incredibly different at face value, but the more we got to know each other the more we realised we shared very similar morals and mantras. It just worked. Life right now would be vastly different for both of us – had we taken each other at face value and judged each other based on that first meeting.
Please read this and use it as a reminder not to label people straight away; it goes back to a John Kirwan ad back home ‘know me before you judge me’..
Labels should be reserved for preserves, clothes and post-it notes – not people. x
